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Category Archives: Childfree

Offensive Intentions?

So, here lately I have apparently been pushing buttons on my personal Facebook page (which is much more highly trafficked than my “fan page“).

I’m the type of person that thinks a lot. But, I like to put my questions out there, publicly. I like ideas. I like understanding. I want to understand. And if you never ask questions, will you ever fully grasp the concept of things in front of you? Or the reality of the person you are standing next to?

It’s also not just about asking the questions, but being receptive to the responses. And allowing someone their chance to speak their mind without being belittled. If you really want to understand, you won’t attempt to change their mind. You continue asking questions to better understand their position. And likewise, you politely share how you may feel differently. And of course if you agree 😉

Most of the time, discussions go VERY well on my links and status updates. And it’s such a pleasure to be able to talk to people and better understand why they feel the way they do on certain subjects and to gain insight to the positions of both parties. Even abortion debates have gone smoothly! Try that on for size on your own page and see what happens! 😉

The other night, however, I made the mistake of sharing a friend’s question. It was basically asking why more of the human population DOESN’T consider our own surplus population issues when considering having children, yet we’re pretty clear on controlling the surplus pet population issues.

Between friends with very specific opinions and less of an “in-depth reason” behind the original inquiry, the whole thread fell to the wayside. Parents took offense to being questioned about why they had kids at all, and those with concerns for our population who HAVE made the decision NOT to have kids apparently came off as “dry” and uncaring about other opinions.

I was actually accused of focusing on the negative at one point, privately. And that there was hope for me that one day I would find the “good” in life. Talk about confusing poor ol’ me who tries like hell to keep positive as much as possible! Yikes!

So, Sunday’s events have lead me to make this post here to help better explain my inquiring mind, I suppose.

Do I ask questions, share things, or post things to intentionally get a rise out of people? No. I post things for a few reasons, some of which are: better understanding who I am, clarifying my beliefs, simple humor, and to make people THINK. I want people to ask questions. I want people to tell me their beliefs and what they mean to them. I want people to show me they have an opinion on something, even if it differs from mine! Prove to me that you’re human and that you can think. Prove to me that something matters to you enough for you to say something about it. Prove to me that you know enough about whatever it is to have the opinion you hold so strongly. And be brave enough to ask ME questions if you don’t understand *my* position on something.

I’m not a close-minded person. I love learning knew things, and that includes how and what people think on a variety of things. Now, not all counter arguments may sway my personal positions on things, it’s still good to know. And for those things I didn’t know, thank you for telling me!

As we all know, it’s impossible to please everyone all of the time. I really try my best to respect other’s beliefs and opinions. But, there are many times that I KNOW I have inadvertently offended someone because of the general nature of the things I choose to share with others, be it my own words in conversations, inappropriate things I’ve found on the internet, links to hot topic items, etc. I can’t make all of you happy! And ya know what? I’m not even going to try!

I do need folks to realize a few things about me though so that it may, perhaps, shield some of the “hurt feelings” that are likely to come up.

  • I think and talk a lot and I generally love milling about the “tough” topics.
  • I have a sarcastic sense of humor which leads me to also find humor in things that are potentially offensive to others. Because of this sense of humor, I have many others with a similar style and just sometimes simply can’t resist sharing things for their benefit.
  • I can be very direct and “to the point.” I’ve been told this makes me look like a hard ass. And I’m okay with that. Just realize that it’s not really me being a hard ass as much as it is an attempt to get clear and concise answers the first time around.
  • On the surface, it may appear that my opinionated nature is set in stone. Nope, not at all. Present an alternative view that I may not be aware of and I’m completely willing to revise my original standpoint.

With all this being said, I hope any new visitors that come along realize that while it may appear that I try intentionally to “start sh*t,” that’s not the case. My intentions are in initiating discussions and helping others to learn about differing viewpoints. And maybe to help those people firm up their own opinions on a variety of subjects. It’s ALWAYS good to know where you stand on something. I don’t censor people. I don’t belittle people. I try my best to encourage thoughtful discussions. Why? Because I want to hear what YOU have to say. So, get on it. Voice your opinion. Because whether you believe it or not, some people DO care.

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4 Comments

Posted by on April 17, 2012 in Childfree, Godless, Hot Button, Uncategorized

 

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My Path to Childfreedom

I didn’t always know that I didn’t want kids. I mean, growing up, it was one of those things you did as a girl, pretending to get married and have babies and do the whole family thing. Which, I honestly can’t say I did a lot of that really. I wanted to climb trees, ride bikes, play in the dirt and all that other “tomboy” stuff. I didn’t care to play with dolls much.

On through high school, it was just kinda one of those expectations. You’d just one day have kids because that’s what you do when you get involved with someone. I didn’t question it much. But, I never really babysat either. I did other things. I didn’t want to watch someone else’s kids, even if it meant some money. I wasn’t good with them then!

I did get pregnant at 19 and it didn’t exactly work out. It’s likely a good thing though because the guy I was with was a control freak and had every reason to believe that child porn was his thing. And that’s actually just the tip of the iceberg to the hellish things I saw him capable of.

Realizing the possibility of child crimes, seeing how children were being raised (and how they still are!!!), and my general lack of interest in kids period, coupled with birth control options, I just realized that they weren’t for me. I didn’t want them. Maybe ONE day, but not any time soon and no way no how was I about to leave that control in someone else’s hands.

I actually had no idea that “childfree” was a quickly growing lifestyle choice. And initially, I caught some flak from people who figured I’d change my mind later down the road or that I was “still young” etc. I wish I could pinpoint when exactly I learned that there were other childfree people out there. Either way, I’m glad I did.

There was actually a point in time with my last long term ex where I had to attend his brother’s wife’s baby shower. Part way through, I sent him a text, every bit serious, “This makes me want my uterus removed.” His dad thought it particularly hilarious and I’m sure he had a chuckle soon, but even still, I think the ex thought he could one day change my mind. There was another situation after his nephew was born where he wanted me to hold the kid. I flat out refused because I didn’t want to “break it.” I didn’t think it was a big deal, but it apparently upset him because, “it might be the only time I get to see you hold something so small…” Meh, not good enough for me. I was already an additional mother figure for his other two kids, that was plenty.

After being a “step mom” for four years and then charting off to new waters in my own boat, I finally decided that  100% kid-free is how I wanted to live. I started dreaming of the day I could get fixed so I’d NEVER have to worry about being “oopsed” (guys will do that too!). And it was natural that I could make my own choices about whether or not to get involved with a man that already had kids, which just wasn’t going to happen again.

Well. That day came 🙂

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Posted by on April 13, 2012 in Childfree

 

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