I didn’t always know that I didn’t want kids. I mean, growing up, it was one of those things you did as a girl, pretending to get married and have babies and do the whole family thing. Which, I honestly can’t say I did a lot of that really. I wanted to climb trees, ride bikes, play in the dirt and all that other “tomboy” stuff. I didn’t care to play with dolls much.
On through high school, it was just kinda one of those expectations. You’d just one day have kids because that’s what you do when you get involved with someone. I didn’t question it much. But, I never really babysat either. I did other things. I didn’t want to watch someone else’s kids, even if it meant some money. I wasn’t good with them then!
I did get pregnant at 19 and it didn’t exactly work out. It’s likely a good thing though because the guy I was with was a control freak and had every reason to believe that child porn was his thing. And that’s actually just the tip of the iceberg to the hellish things I saw him capable of.
Realizing the possibility of child crimes, seeing how children were being raised (and how they still are!!!), and my general lack of interest in kids period, coupled with birth control options, I just realized that they weren’t for me. I didn’t want them. Maybe ONE day, but not any time soon and no way no how was I about to leave that control in someone else’s hands.
I actually had no idea that “childfree” was a quickly growing lifestyle choice. And initially, I caught some flak from people who figured I’d change my mind later down the road or that I was “still young” etc. I wish I could pinpoint when exactly I learned that there were other childfree people out there. Either way, I’m glad I did.
There was actually a point in time with my last long term ex where I had to attend his brother’s wife’s baby shower. Part way through, I sent him a text, every bit serious, “This makes me want my uterus removed.” His dad thought it particularly hilarious and I’m sure he had a chuckle soon, but even still, I think the ex thought he could one day change my mind. There was another situation after his nephew was born where he wanted me to hold the kid. I flat out refused because I didn’t want to “break it.” I didn’t think it was a big deal, but it apparently upset him because, “it might be the only time I get to see you hold something so small…” Meh, not good enough for me. I was already an additional mother figure for his other two kids, that was plenty.
After being a “step mom” for four years and then charting off to new waters in my own boat, I finally decided that 100% kid-free is how I wanted to live. I started dreaming of the day I could get fixed so I’d NEVER have to worry about being “oopsed” (guys will do that too!). And it was natural that I could make my own choices about whether or not to get involved with a man that already had kids, which just wasn’t going to happen again.
Well. That day came 🙂